im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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