My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
