I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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