I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
