Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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