I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
