i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
