So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
