They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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