I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
