it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize