I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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