What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
