Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We got so high we made milksteak
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
