Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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