I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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