i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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