Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
