Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
not ubering you a puppy
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