How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
