yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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