When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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