Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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