The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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