It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
