Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
