Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
