You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
