Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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