I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
