Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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