I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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