your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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