he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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