So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
