Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
