Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
