You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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