I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
