So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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