Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
