is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
