Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
