May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
