Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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