I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
