Someone shit on the floor
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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