Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
