I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
