dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
