So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
