I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He passed out mid-signature
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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