peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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