i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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