1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
