he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
