The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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