dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
