she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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