i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
