Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
