talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
