No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
