dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
