dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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