he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
