on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
