I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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