When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
