ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
