my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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