Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
