finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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