guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
