Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
please come you make the beer taste better
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
