someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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