Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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