I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
