College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
