i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You may now shotgun with the bride
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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