Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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