I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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